Do the next thing

One woman who has been a great inspiration to me throughout the years is Elisabeth Elliot. As a teenager I read her books as well as the books of those who inspired her. She introduced me to heroes of the faith such as Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot. So when the opportunity arose as a young adult to hear her speak in my hometown, I was eager to meet this "mentor" of my mine. I took many notes that fall day over fifteen years ago which now are most forgotten, but four small words have never left my memory....


"Do the next thing."


Simple, yet profound, these words have echoed through my brain time and time again. You see, when Elisabeth found out her husband had been killed by the Auca Indians in South America, leaving her in the jungle alone with her toddler daughter, she cried out to God, "What am I to do, Lord? How am I to make it?" He gave her these four simple words...


"Do the next thing."


If you know her story, you know she became a part of bringing the light of the gospel and forgiveness to the very ones who massacred her husband and four other missionaries in the Amazon jungle of Ecuador. She wrote many books and published the memoirs of her late husband for all to be inspired by. She has spoken to large crowds and passed a legacy of evangelism on to the next generation. And she did all this by simply one motto...


"Do the next thing."


You see, I don't know what the future holds, whether the economy will collapse, whether I will even live to see my next day or even breath. I can't see how the big picture of my life will unfold, but I know that I am called to follow my Savior day by day, and moment by moment. When I cry out before him, "God, what does this look like?" You know what He says to me?


"Do the next thing."


What does the next thing look like? It may look as mundane and simple as laundry and dishes, or it may appear as challenging as giving up everything to live with the poor of this world in order to bring them the Kingdom. It may seem hard, overwhelming, unattainable, but when broken down it is simply...


"Do the next thing."


I don't have to worry about what tomorrow will bring.  I don't have to have it all figured out, for my Father who owns all things knows tomorrow. I simply move forward hand in hand, step by step, with Him who feeds even the sparrows while doing the ONE thing I know to do....


.....the next thing.

 (Image of fun shoes found at Anthropologie.)

"I AM with you, even to the ends of the earth....."

When a stay at home mom goes through a divorce, many thoughts whirl about her head as if the life she lives is sifted by a magnanimous tornado tearing apart every foundation lain the previous years.  The process of grief overwhelms the mind with questions of the past, present, and future sending the individual into a daze which sometimes lasts for weeks, even months.  When this takes place there is only One place to go , One solid foundation left unturned, One person to trust.  That One is He who knows all things before the foundations of the world, the I AM of eternity.  I AM walks alongside, not merely as God, but ultimately as friend.  Who is this I AM who is friend?  He is everything to the broken, the weak, the disheartened and overwhelmed.  He is:

healer   lover    counselor  friend   maker  provider   father guide  giver  restorer  redeemer mine    companion     leader     teacher   shield  shelter  deliverer  refuge   strength   comforter  husband    savior   light....

He is all consuming everything who meets every single need of every single soul, enabling a peace that passes ALL understanding to keep the heart and the mind of the one who listens to Him.  


So what is He to you today?  Write it down, make a list, or even keep a book of remembrance then teach it to your children so that you may never forget that I AM walks alongside you minute by minute, day after day in all of your days.

the Blue Parakeet

I have been reading a book by Scot McKnight called The Blue Parakeet, and it is rocking my world about the way I read the Bible. It has changed my perspective from "How should I think, feel, and live?" to "Who is this incredible God of this interactive story told over time by several authors from several perspectives?" And in reading in this way, I am undone. The God of the Bible can in no way be boxed to conform to our minute ability to describe Him nor can He be mastered. To quote Scot McKnight:

"God did not give us the Bible so we could master him or it; God gave the Bible so we could live it, so we could be mastered by it. The moment we think we've mastered it, we have failed to be readers of the Bible."

The Bible is the Story of God, the unfolding of who He is, told from the perspectives of different authors from different cultures and various time periods. It's a story that cannot be tamed, boxed, nor (do I dare say this) is it complete. For the God of this story eternally existed before any words of Him were penned, and is so vastly above our ways that the story serves merely as a window into the height, depth, breadth of our wonderful Creator. It no longer is a matter of readers laboring and studying to grasp His ways, but rather it is a matter of readers, so in love with Him, listening to know Him so that His ways grasp their very hearts in radical transformation.

How then does this affect the way I teach my children about God? Do I present Him as a taskmaster with rules to submit to? Do I force scripture on them when their hearts and minds are elsewhere? Do I summarize the text of the Bible from the traditions I have always believed? Do I content myself with mere outward behavioral obedience? NO! I must patiently weave the Story into their everyday existence. I must remember to present it as God's amazing Story full of action, blood, deception, romance, treason, beauty, art, passion, death; and then let them find their own way with this Beloved Creator of their souls. I must introduce this Savior whom I love from the depths of my heart, and leave them to find Him who is already seeking them, that they will love Him, know Him, and let Him radically transform their lives.

Image by lori joy.

Finding My New Normal

Here I am, sitting down to the computer in an effort to express the thoughts, feelings, emotions of the past few months.  Honestly, a lot of "water has gone under the bridge" since I last shared.  Details of the separation of my marriage have been discussed, and I am now left with what I call my "new normal," sifting through thoughts, ideas and God's word in order to discover how to walk the now delicate line between appropriate boundaries and sacrificial love.  There is really no manual on how to best walk this, no clear cut black and white lines,so I find myself learning as I go, doing some things right, and some terribly wrong. Yet in all of it, I am growing past grief, anger and difficulty and finding something beautiful emerging from the ruins.  I don't yet know exactly how this "new normal" looks, but I do know that my Heavenly Father who holds all things in the palm of His hand will be right by my side.  There still will be moments when grief hits me like a ton of bricks, but new joy will be found in walking as one who overcomes baby step by baby step.  I invite you to join me in this journey as I now plan to use this blog as a place to share my thoughts, struggles, ideas, and dreams as a single mom who desires to partner with God for the souls of my four incredible children and find beauty in my home and my life amidst the ruins.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love... what is that? What does it look like? As I anticipate seeing my husband for the first time since the decision to separate, I am burdened with one thought straight from the heart of my heavenly Father, unconditional love. What does that love look like? It is very unique to the individual it is poured out on. For my husband, it involves a letting go, a releasing of hand to allow him to find what he is looking for, painful as that might be to the depths of my soul. It involves harboring no bitterness. It involves letting go of the past and wishing only what is best for his future. It is not done as an act to gain something in return, not even reconciliation of the marriage. It is simply poured out in grace as the greatest gift one can ever give. This act of love is not an easy one to give, as it is clouded by human nature. But as I lay myself down on the altar of the Lord, and let Him love through me, it is possible.

Love through me, Love of God,
Make me like Thy clear air
Through which, unhindered, colors pass
As though it were not there.

Powers of the love of Good,
Depths of the heart Divine,
O Love that faileth not break forth
And flood this world of Thine.

a poem by Amy Carmichael

Happy Weekend!

Weekends are for:

• family projects
• breakfast in pajamas
• naps in the park
• walks in the mountains
• relationship building and bonding

Looking forward to a wonderful slow weekend with my children. We have no major commitments, but to simply enjoy relationship with one another as we work and play together. Hope your weekend is blessed as well!

Image found at Basil.

Journal of an Ordinary Day:

These thoughts were written on January 16, 2010 to commemorate the ordinary days of my life:

Here I am, much past my desired bedtime, sitting down to the computer to jot down thoughts of a lovely day before they escape my memory. For these thoughts hold a memory I do not want to forget. A memory of an ordinary day.

My ordinary day began as I awakened to two ambitious boys ready to conquer the world. Not being ones to understand the concept of sleeping in, they tugged at the covers until I rolled out of bed. I sipped tea, laughed in the kitchen, and remained in my pajamas most of the morning. A memory of racing out the door with the wrong directions in hand to a basketball game. A memory of a frenzied child trying to pull her emotions together for the game (which she did, by the way, and played the best game of her season so far). A memory of a simple supper. A memory of playing games together. A memory of kissing the boys goodnight then slowly plodding up the stair to fall into bed then stopping half way to listen to a girl's thoughts, then pausing longer to laugh with another girl. Then before I knew it, I found I had lingered on that step for over an hour laughing and chatting with two beautiful girls. A memory of friendships forged and relationships built in simply an ordinary day.

My son recently enjoyed a "Pioneer Day" field trip where he was able to dress up in hardworking pioneer clothes, play pioneer childhood games, eat savory pioneer biscuits with homemade pioneer butter, and make pioneer crafted toys. As I observed him enjoy his adventure away from the classroom, I was reminded of my girlhood days when I longed to live in the Little House On the Prairie. Those seemed simpler days when families labored hard all day long then shared life together into the evening telling stories, singing songs, and playing games most often around a fire. It's tempting to wish for those days in today's fast paced, media driven society, but they are gone. The modern culture has shifted, and modern mothers have had to shift with it. We have had to take on taxi driving, wade through hours of homework, encourage practice of musical instruments, cheer at multiple sports events, while trying to maintain some sense of peace and order in our homes. How are we to stay sane? Two words...no and go. We have to learn to say no to those activities that take us beyond our calling then go and walk in God's strength if and when He bids us to stretch beyond our human capacity. How do we do this? We do it by listening closely to the heart of our Father and surrendering ourselves to His ways. He wants to use our lives of faith in "such a time as this." He will never call us beyond what He is able to do in and through us, so we must cultivate a life of listening and trust of His will. Sometimes we mistake His voice for the voice of another, but He gently directs us back to His ways if we so choose to listen. Then in listening, we enjoy the ebb and flow of bustling activity for His Kingdom and quiet solitude for our soul restoration.

how does one love a butterfly?

can one cage it?

no

a butterfly's beauty is most appreciated

when its wings flutter in the expanse of the open sky allowing it to soar to freedom and the life it was created to live.

where does that leave one who loves this intricate creature of beauty?

open handed

releasing

watching

somewhat sad, somewhat lonely, but altogether knowing that letting go, difficult as it may be,

is to love.

This morning I sit at my computer slightly dazed by the events of the past month. Never in my lifetime did I imagine that I would become a single mom. Oh, I have been living somewhat of a single mom life most of my marriage as my husband has worked extremely hard to provide for his family of six. Four years of nursing school followed by eighteen months of work as a nurse traveler took him far away from home and family. I pressed on in these times as a mother of four knowing this season would soon come to an end. Much to my surprise, the season has ended, and I find myself having to let go of the man I love. How do I do this? What does the future hold for me? Will my precious children survive? What will I do to provide financial security for my now family of five? So many unknowns surround my life. So many questions are yet unanswered, but I find comfort in these words:

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Wanting to be loved by someone, but learning to be satisfied only in God's love is a life long journey...a process often accomplished over the span of years and completed only when we see the face of our Savior in the glory of Heaven. Why? We were created to be relational by our loving Maker. He designed us to love and be loved. In Adam's loneliness, God brought him a helper. God placed relationship into this world to satisfy the natural longing of soul, yet sometimes those natural longings go unmet. Somehow we learn to live with unmet needs, then see with fresh eyes how God meets those needs in ways we could never ourselves fathom. The Lover of our souls loves us unconditionally and unreservedly, and is the only satisfaction to our inner longings for relationship, yet He gives us the command to "love one another" wholeheartedly. Then through our love, the world around us will begin to know Him and learn to be loved by this truest Lover of souls.

"To Make a Home"
by Lon Woodrum

It takes a heart to make a home,
A heart that's warm and strong;
A heart with strength to live and love
And ever keep its song;
A heart that flings the door back wide
To all that's true and right,
But has the courage to withstand
The wrong with all its might.

It takes a smile to make a home,
A smile that's warm and real;
A smile that will not fade and die
When fortune draws its steel.
A smile that, when the dark comes down
And stars no longer gleam,
Will lift a lamp against the night
And kindle one more dream.

It takes a faith to make a home;
A faith that's warm and sure,
That seeks the power of Him who makes
The human spirit pure;
A faith which enemies of life
Can never overcome-
It takes a heart, a smile, a faith
In God to make a home.

Inspiring photo found at House to Home via The Inspired Room.

"I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4

It is the deepest desire of my heart for my children to know and love their Lord and Savior personally. I work hard to introduce Him to them, to point Him out in all the wonders of creation, to acknowledge His provisions in their daily lives, but I am struck by one idea. They must make that relationship their own. They must come to the Lord of the universe themselves and bend their knees and acknowledge Him as Lord of their own lives. As much as I wish I could make this decision for them, I cannot. It must be theirs and theirs alone. So when my dear third child decided in child faith to give his life to Jesus, my heart overflowed with exuberant joy. He had been contemplating for some time this One who came to die for him, asking questions, seeking. Then one evening after having watched a local performance of the death and resurrection of Jesus, he quietly committed his heart to Jesus. He approached me later and explained what had happened in his dear little heart with the words, "I am different now." It is true. He is different. Sure he is still a little boy, with much growing into maturity yet to take place, but there is evidence of the miracle of salvation within his heart. That miracle is refreshing. It gives great hope and reminds me of the wonder of a changed life, a life rising from the ruins into a something beautiful beyond comprehension, the most beautiful ruins of all!

I Did It!

I finally accomplished goal #4o of project fifty-two!

I custom-made a header for my blog!

I made it with my own picture!

I did it without buying photo shop!

I finally got the right size!

I stayed up WAY too late to figure it out,

but I like it!

Can you tell that I am excited!?!

I hope you like it, too!

A Different Mom

Right before tucking my children into bed, one of my dear ones burst out of pent up emotion, "I wish I had a different mom." Oh dear, it had been a rough day with this one who seemed to wake up with a chip on the shoulder toward everyone in the house, the weather, and life in general. After hearing these words, I trudged up the stairs and plopped, exhausted into bed. As I lay there processing, words of a wise friend came to mind. "When critical, hurtful words are spoken, I (my friend) have learned to look in the mirror and ask myself what of the words spoken are true? What of the words are exaggeration and lies? Then I take the time to do my part, and leave the rest." As I took the words of this dear mentor to heart, I began to think through the day. I tried to make it a good day for each child, but I also woke up with this feeling of having "given" all week. On the outside I continued to give, but my heart was not in it, and this one who tested my emotion all day sensed it. You see, sometimes as a mom, I lose sight of why I give of myself. It isn't for temporary results, it isn't for appreciation or applause, it isn't for my own sense of goodness or because it is the right thing to do. It is for demonstrating unconditional love as my Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love for me in order that the ones entrusted to my care may know Him. My heart's deepest desire is to have my children know that love and walk in it. This kind of love is one that loves to the point of exhaustion. It is the kind of love that took Jesus to the cross. But the exciting thing is that it isn't a love filled with drudgery but rather joy. My Savior, "who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2 It is a love that is empowered by this One who died for me and now lives in me. It is a love whose energy is fueled by "the Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth (who) does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-31


This is the kind of mother I want to be:
one who walks in joy, strength and unconditional love,
one who looks at the bumps of life and chooses joy not selfishness,
one who dances through life's ups and downs, AND
one who celebrates life with tea and cake!

Saturday Mornings Are For Sleeping In, Staying in Pajamas, and Eating Waffles

One of my favorite things about Saturday mornings is waking up to a slower pace, putting on a pot of tea, and making waffles. I whip up the batter, and as my groggy-eyed children rise one by one I set out the whipped cream, berries, peanut butter, coconut, cream cheese, and maple syrup. After every tummy is full, the remaining batter gets cooked and the extra waffles get placed in the freezer. These make great toaster breakfasts on busy school mornings.

Over the past few months I have been tweaking a favorite waffle recipe that I found here. After much experimentation, I came up with the following recipe which is a bit more healthy, yet still retains the light, crispy texture my family loves.

Jacqueline's Favorite Waffles:

1 3/4 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup fresh ground flax seed (I ground these in my coffee grinder.)

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

4 tablespoons evaporated cane juice or sugar

6 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons salt

4 large eggs, separated

3 1/2 cups milk

1 stick butter, melted

Heat the waffle iron on medium high to high. In a large bowl whisk together the flours, ground flax seed, sugar, baking powder, salt. In a medium bowl, whisk together the egg yolks, milk and melted butter. Add to the flour mixture, and whisk until the large lumps disappear. Beat the egg whites to stiff peaks and fold them carefully into the batter. Following your waffle iron instructions, ladle the batter into the iron and cook until no steam emerges. Top with maple syrup, berries, cream cheese, marmalade, coconut, peanut butter, whip cream, or other favorite toppings and enjoy!

Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed....Or Not

We are so ready for spring break around here! This morning, as I was making the rounds to awake my sleepy children for school, I stopped for a few moments beside my older daughters' beds to chat with them. All of the sudden little BJ came bounding out of his bedroom bright eyed and bushy tailed, huge smile on his face and ready for a brand new day. He excitedly asked, "Is there school today?" to which I replied, "Oh, yes, but it is Friday!" to which his bright eyes dimmed into a frown. He turned in a huff and threw himself back into bed with a groan. His sudden change of demeanor sent the rest of us into an uproar of laughter. Yes, spring break is only a few weeks away, and we are ALL so ready.

For the Love of Domesticity and Sock Baskets

I love homemaking. The art of creating a cozy haven for my family and friends brings sheer pleasure to my soul. I love creating yummy foods that fill the house with tantalizing aromas and feed hungry tummies. I love providing cozy corners for play, solitude, or intense discussions about life. I love clean floors and newly washed sheets. I love finding discarded thrift items and finding new life for them. I love a fresh coat of paint on scuffed walls. I love all that makes home a refuge from the craziness of life.

But sometimes life gets so busily out of control that I forget how much I love these things. Time for creativity is stifled, and all I can see are the mountains of laundry and piles of dirty dishes. But just when those times are about to overtake me, someone comes along and quietly lifts the burdens, clears the messes, and renews my strength to keep going.

That someone is my mother. The past few years, she has flown out during the month of February while my Dad takes a mission trip to Africa and spends time with the children and I. Every time she visits, she quietly does the ordinary things like laundry and dishes and matches all the mismatched socks in my ever growing sock basket. Yes, I confess, I have a large laundry basket full of socks accumulated when removing clothes from the dryer with the intent to match them later. "Later" never happens, and then I end up with an overflowing basket of lone socks waiting for dear Mother to come and reunite the pairs, so my four children do not have to waste so much time every school morning vainly searching for mismatched socks.

In taking care of the "sock basket," Mother takes care of me. Without out a word, she does the little things that give me time to take a breath and feel renewed. She leaves me re-energized to take on the ordinary tasks of life with new vitality and renews my love for the domestic arts once again. This gift of carrying my burdens, even if only for a short while, is one I have grown to deeply appreciate over the years and one I hope never to take for granted.

What about you? What is your "sock basket" that needs emptied?

Beautiful Ruins

As a teenager I dreamed of being a Christian "hero." I would give everything and go anywhere for my Lord. I committed to live for Him, "whatever the cost." Little did I understand the depth and breadth of those words. Little did I know what "cost" was. Little did I anticipate the unexpected twists and turns my life would take. Little did I realize what "count it all joy when you fall into various trials" meant.

My journey has involved death. Death of myself, my ways, my ambitions. In essence, it has meant a coming to ruins, so that the Lord may create something beautiful from the ashes. Beautiful ruins. It has not been a life of ease, but it has been one full of joy; joy in knowing intimately the unfailing love of my Lord. All other life is nothing compared to this knowing.

I know the journey is not over yet. I know there are unforeseen trials yet to come. But I also know the goodness of my Lord, and because of His goodness I will dance. I will "count it all joy" so that from the ashes, beauty will arise. Beautiful ruins.

Thoughts inspired from this post by Sally Clarkson.

Cupcaking

One of my favorite new fascinations in the kitchen these days is the art of cupcakes. A few years ago, I paid no attention to these little bites of cake and creamy confection. I rarely baked them in favor of a more moist, layered slice of indulgence. But as growing trends have popularized the once ordinary dessert, I have found myself on the bandwagon trying to make the yummiest possible five bites of deliciousness. I even have this illusive dream of someday opening up a cupcake shop in town!

After experimenting with many flavors, mixes, recipes, I still have not yet created my piece de resistance, but have learned a few things along the way:

Number One- Do not overfill the cupcake papers. Filling the papers a smidgen past half full will result in a beautiful rounded top.

Number Two- Watch the cakes at the end of the bake time to pull them out at just the right time. If you bake them too long they will be dry. The tops should bounce back with a little give when you gently push them with your finger to ensure moistness.

Number Three- Brush the tops with a simple syrup immediately out of the oven. This marinates the cakes with the kind of flavor found in layer cakes. One of my favorites is a mixture of sugar and water boiled into a syrup with the addition of pure almond extract.

Number Four- Top with an exquisite frosting. Vanilla buttercream and cream cheese are two of my favorites.

Number Five- Refrigerate overnight in a sealed container for the best infusion of flavor.

Enjoy!!!